No Air
by Kagha
Summary: Matau struggles with letting go of Nokama, as she prepares to leave Metru Nui, to sail the universe in a desperate quest. MatauxNokama. Orig. post date: 13/2/09


_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?_

The sun shone high in the sky, throwing its rays like a fiery mane through the said bowl and illuminating the silver sea beneath. The air was filled with the salty taste of the ocean, and the hushed sound lapping water painted the background. On the beach stood Toa Matau, dark green armor glimmering in the sun. Before him was Toa Nokama. The shore was crusted with a fine protostone dock, and a ship was anchored there, a group of Matoran on deck sitting patiently. They were waiting for Nokama to come aboard so they could set sail, but they understood that the two needed time. 

"Nokama," Matau said, "You don't really have to do this." 

"I do, Matau," she said, looking away. "If I don't, who knows what may happen?" 

"Look," Matau said, bringing up his arms to embrace the Toa of Water, "After what had occur-happened... after the halflings took us away, I ... it was my fault, and I heart-vowed that I would never let you go again. I quick-got both of us, and Whenua, into that trap-entanglement, and I ... I don't want to lose you again." 

Nokama was silent, nestling her head into his shoulder. Finally, she pulled away gently and said, "You don't have to worry about me, Matau. I'll be okay. Trust me." 

Matau reached out and took her hand. "Heartpromise me you'll be safe." 

She smiled. "I promise." Her hand slipped out of his, and she walked over to the ship.

_If I should die before I wake  
>It's 'cause you took my breath away<br>Losing you is like living in a world with no air, oh_

The sun went down, fading until a beautiful orange colour, casting the sky in an inexplicable crimson glow and dappling off the water like a liquid fire. A lone figure stood there; Matau, in the same place he'd been two hours ago. The ship set off, close to disappearing over the horizon. Matau stared out dumbly, frowning with sick concern for his beloved. Seeing her go, not to return for only Mata Nui knew how long, was like losing everything he'd ever dreamed of. The only one he'd ever truly loved.

_I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave  
>My heart won't move, it's incomplete<br>If there was a way that I can make you understand_

Nokama stood at the stern of the ship, leaning against the railing. Her jasper eyes gazed out at the Metru Nui silhouette against the evening sky. She couldn't deny the pain she felt for leaving the island city, for leaving Matau by himself. But she knew she couldn't stay there, and Matau couldn't come along with her. This was her business, and her business alone. 

Footsteps, and Macku came up beside her. "Do you miss him?"  
>Nokama looked down to the waters foaming under the ships hull. "Yes," she said quietly, "I do." She let out a breath. "It's just that... for so long, he's been trying to tell me that he loves me, and now that we're finally together, I have to go." She felt a tear form in her eye. "It's so ... so unfair, Macku." <p>

The Ga-Matoran sighed. "I know," she said, "That's how I felt when Hewkii became a Toa. Since then, he'd been going on adventures all the time, and I never see him..." 

Nokama shook her head. She smiled and put her hand on the Ga-Matoran's shoulder. "Aren't we the unfortunate ones?" her eyes glazed over and her brows furrowed. "I hate for Matau to be worrying about me... if only he could understand that I ... I have to do this."

_But how do you expect me  
>To live alone with just me?<em>

The other Toa Metru understood Matau's situation, and silence fell over the room when the Toa of Air entered. His amber eyes were hazed, as if he were in a trance, and he slowly walked through the chamber. Vakama came up to meet him. "Matau, are you okay...?" 

Matau faded out of his wistful expression and turned his eyes to the Toa of Fire. A long moment passed, before a glint of wetness reached the corner of the Toa of Air's eye. "She's... she's gone, Vakama." 

Vakama nodded, and put his arm over Matau's shoulders. "She was a friend to all of us."

_'Cause my world revolves around you  
>It's so hard for me to breathe<em>

Nokama woke up knowing exactly what she would do today. 

First of all, she'd get up and check her dorm for any props or pranks that Matau had set up the day before, and if it was a jug of water(which it commonly was) she'd go and dump it on the Toa of Air and chide him for his immaturity. Then she'd have to literally drag him out to bed and into the cafeteria, where he would hide outside the door before she assured him that the food was edible. Then they'd have their regular meet-up with the other Toa Metru. Usually Matau, Nuju, Whenua, and Onewa would exchange gossip and talks of their most embarrassing moments the day before, while her and Vakama would leave them and talk about the situation of Metrru Nui and the surrounding lands, and how it was to best carry on. Matau would get jealous after fifteen minutes of yakking with the others, and come along to make sure Vakama wasn't doing anything more than exchanging information. Nokama would scold him for being so untrusting, and Matau would roll his eyes, go to the next table, and not-so-inconspicuously lean over to eavesdrop in their conversation. They'd take a stroll and her and Matau would walk around, and Matau would comment on how their relationship wasn't going anywhere, and Nokama would ask him what he meant, and he would talk about how they were never holding hands, or hugging, or doing anything. Nokama would tell him they were occupied with other things for now and that they'd work on it later. He'd get upset and walk away. Nokama would go after him and reassure him, and then they'd share their daily kiss, sometimes being caught by Jaller(who she reckoned sometimes spied on them on purpose). Matau would go down to Le-Metru and Nokama would go up to Ga-Metru. Matau returned to the Coliseum forty minutes before she did in order to set up pranks for the next morning. They'd eat dinner, talk with Dume, and then go to sleep. 

However, when she sprung up from her bed and set her foot on the floor, it was not the warm carpet that she remembered, but rather a hard, unfamiliar tile, and Nokama remembered she was no longer in Metru Nui. No longer in the over-protective company of Matau, or with her friends, or the Matoran. There was no longer a cafeteria, or a dorm, or a Ga-Metru or alleys or any of that. She was outside of Metru Nui, outside of the Silver Sea Dome, inside a ship, where she would be for a long time. The realization made her heart pound and her face clench.

_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?  
>Can't live, can't breathe with no air<em>

Matau stared at the hand-sized stasis tube, and the spiraled plant inside. Beside him, Nuju slipped out of his shoes, looking happier than Matau could've thought possible before today. "What's that?" the Toa of Ice asked, his voice... not cold. 

"A Sykaya Flower." Matau replied brusquely. It seemed as if their roles had switched around. "Nokama gave it to me on my Naming Day. She's five years older than me, you know?" 

Nuju's eyebrows rose. "Way back then? That was millennia ago, you realize, Matau." 

"Yes."  
>Nuju was silent for a moment. He squeezed Matau's shoulder, "I'm sorry she's gone, man," he said, "I feel like that too. I can never see Stara." <p>

Matau flinched. "You just did," he said coldly. 

"Busted," Nuju said, removing his hand and chuckling. Matau didn't laugh though. The Toa of Ice stopped immediately and shrugged. "She's becoming a Turaga, you know?" 

Matau nodded, but he was focused on the Sykaya. Usually these things grew to be fifty feet tall or even taller. This one had been captured at a very young age, and put into the airless void of a stasis tube. In here, it was blocked off from the things it needed to survive, in a continuous state of inadequacy. Just like he felt. 

Matau sat up and walked over to the window of the dorm. He opened it and, almost carelessly, dropped the stasis tube. It fell down the side of the Coliseum, to the ground far below. 

"Matau, what in the world are you doing?"  
>Matau didn't respond. Instead, he thought of the stasis tube, the empty, life-stopping capsule. "No air," he murmured.<p>

_It's how I feel whenever you ain't there  
>There's no air, no air<em>

Nokama sighed as she unrolled the leaf-paper map and examined the locations painted in charcoal on it. Xia would be close now, as they'd been sailing for days. She had to take Aeolus and the others to there to get their Toa stones. Supposedly, Dume had a Vortixx friend there that had helped him hundreds of thousands of years ago. 

"Macku!" Not one the to-be Toa, but a trusty assistant.  
>The Ga-Matoran came into the room, and Nokama stuck a pin into the island on the map. "Our next destination," she said. The Ga-Matoran nodded. "Yes, Toa Nokama." <p>

Lifting herself out of the chair, Nokama left the cabin and walked out into the open of the deck. She shielded her eyes from the blindingly bright sunlight, and got buffeted by a sudden gust of warm wind. Nokama chuckled. That was exactly how Matau used to make them. She sighed, sniffing the warm wind. It felt... different, somehow. Without the Toa of Air's command, it felt strange and uncanny. If it wasn't Metru Nui air... if it wasn't Matau's air... it wasn't air at all.

_Got me out here in the water so deep  
>Tell me how you gon' be without me?<em>

Matau sat in the cafeteria, sipping from a bula, when Onewa plopped down beside him. 

"Hey, stiff breeze," the Toa of Stone said. 

Matau didn't reply. Onewa waved a hand in front of him. "Hello? Airhead? Talking to you." 

Still nothing.  
>Onewa sighed. "Look, Matau, I know you're upset about Nokama and all," but ..." he gritted his teeth. "Honestly, Toa, get over it. She's gone, and that's that. I'm... Matau, I'm worried about you. I've never seen you this glum before." He tilted his head. "I've never even seen you glum before." <p>

Matau sighed. "The thing is, Onewa... I heart-love Nokama. I've been trying to get that through to her since the quest-journey on old Metru Nui. And now, she's finally accepted it. And then, all of a quick-sudden, she has to leave? Now do you think-wonder on why I'm so down?" He shook his head. "I just... I just have to see-know that she's safe." 

Onewa let out a sharp laugh. "Then take a cursed boat and go after her," he joked, "Seriously man, stop sulking. You're making me feel bad." 

A long silence, and even Matau had to crack. He burst into laughter. "You? Feel bad?" he laughed and punched Onewa's shoulder. "But you know what, Onewa? You're right?" 

Onewa frowned. "What? What do you mean? – I mean, I mean of course I'm right. But..." He took a sip from Matau's bula. 

"You are right." Matau said. "I have to go to her."  
>Onewa spat out the juice. "What the—" <p>

"What's going on?" Whenua butt in. He lowered himself into the booth and cast wary green eyes over the two. 

"Whenua, thank the Spirit you're here," Onewa said, "Try to talk some sense into Matau, please." 

Whenua's eyes moved from Matau to Onewa, staring at them both like they were lunatics. "What?" 

"He wants to go after Nokama!" Onewa exclaimed. 

Matau sighed. "Look, Onewa, I appreciate your ... concern," he spat out the last word, "but this is something I have to do, and neither you nor Whenua can stop me."

_If you ain't here, I just can't breathe  
>There's no air, no air<em>

No city had ever felt this big. 

Truly, Xia was a metropolis island with overflowing numbers of population, with towering technology and massive cities. Despite this, Nokama knew that it paled in comparison to her home island, Metru Nui. She had been living in the city for thousands of years, surrounded by rivers of Matoran and Vahki, Toa and Turaga, towers and huts, but something about this place... overwhelmed her. It was so suffocating, the density of it all. She tried not to let her unease show, and wished that Matau could be here.

_No air, air  
>No air, air<em>

"Say goodbye to Turaga Matau for me, will ya?" Matau joked, as he strolled down the beach. Onewa clenched his teeth. "Matau, you're not really going to do this, are you?" 

Matau looked at the Toa. "What does it look like, Onewa?" 

Onewa sighed. "Good luck, then, brother."

_No air, air  
>No air, air<em>

"Ah, I see," the Vortixx monk said. "These young ones have been through much, and Vakama is correct; destiny has chosen them. But, before they can obtain their Toa power," his voice was slow and steady, "they must venture into... into..." His red eyes settled on the Toa of Water. "Nokama, are you listening?" 

She was ushered out of her reverie and blinked. "Um... yes... you were saying?" 

The Vortixx, Monrak, shook his head. "What is troubling you, girl?"

_I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew  
>Right off the ground to float to you<br>With no gravity to hold me down for real_

Xia. 

Matau stood on the bow of the small ship, staring through a spyglass. Across the horizon he could see the docks, the cityscape, the mountains... 

Onewa marched up beside him. The Toa of Stone had decided to come along as well, to make sure the Toa of Air didn't lose his mask or something. 

"We'll be there by nightfall." Onewa said.  
>Matau chuckled. "No quick-time, Onewa," he replied, "I have to get there immediately." <p>

"Well, I can't make the ship go any faster. I'm not a Toa of Magnetism, you kn... No." 

"Yes." 

"Matau, you can't! You know how far that is?" 

"Come now, rockhead, some birds wind-fly for months without halt-stopping." 

"You're not a bird." 

"Close enough." Matau said. "Hour max, Onewa." 

Onewa frowned and turned his orange eyes to the shady ghost on the horizon. "I guess you're right." 

Matau walked back on the deck until he reached the cabin. Then he broke into a run, leapt up the stairs, and, with a massive bound, flew into the sky. His Aero Slicers jerked into place and spread their metallic feathers, and the Toa soared off from sight.

_But somehow I'm still alive inside  
>You took my breath, but I survived<br>I don't know how but I don't even care_

Get a hold of yourself, Nokama, she told herself, picking up a pin and sticking it into the floor for the umpteenth time. She wondered how many tiny little holes would be in the boarding after she was done. 

Outside the window, the waves lapped and the mone shone down on the sky. Xia was miles away, now, and they were headed for the Southern Continent. Aeolus was dead-set for the trip. Macku was silent the entire time. The others... well, Nokama hardly saw them leave their rooms, so she wouldn't know. 

Nokama picked up the pin and fiddled with it. I wonder what it'll be like on the Southern Continent, she thought. So far I've only heard legends of it. Are things really as bad as they are as people say? 

The door clicked open, and Macku came in. "We're due for the Southern Continent," she said, "the seas are calm enough." She brought up her hand to cover a big yawn. "I'm bored. What are you doing?" 

Nokama had forgotten. She looked down at the numerous pinholes in the boarding and the pin in her hand, and chewed her lip. "Nothing." 

Nokama's thoughts drifted back to the Southern Continent, and then she realized something, which made her chuckle. Macku glanced at her strangely. "Are you okay?" 

"Hm? Oh, yeah," Nokama said. Since leaving Metru Nui, she couldn't stop thinking of Matau the entire time. Now, she was starting to get over it. That was a good thing, she thought. Wasn't it?

_So how do you expect me  
>To live alone with just me<em>

"She's gone." Matau said as he walked up the plank. Onewa looked up from where he was sifting through countless stone tablets. "Let's quick-go." 

A frown crossed Onewa's mask. "Really?" 

Matau blinked. "Yeah. Why?" 

"I just got here and tried to dock, but apparently there's a specialized personnel policy or whatever, and I have to pay, but I have no widgets, and now I have to look through these stupid files because—" he sighed. "Sorry, man." 

"No problem," Matau said, walking towards the cabin. "Come on, let's get back to Metru Nui."

_'Cause my world revolves around you  
>It's so hard for me to breathe<em>

"They're gone?" Vakama exclaimed. Nuju nodded. "And Matau went all wacky too before he left. He threw something out the window, and now it's... well, it's visible from halfway across the district." 

"The Sykaya?" Vakama asked with a sigh. Nuju nodded. 

"Where is Onewa? I have to talk to him about this." 

Nuju shrugged. "Beats me. He's been gone for ..." he stopped. "He didn't." 

"I think he did," Vakama groaned.  
>Nuju sucked his teeth. "Those reckless idjits..." <p>

"Come on, Nuju, you can't really blame them," Vakama said. "You have Stara. You know what it's like." 

Nuju gritted his teeth. "I suppose I do," he whispered, suppressing the urge to say that he had never been foolish enough to sail across the universe just to meet her.

_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?  
>Can't live, can't breathe with no air<em>

Matau sat in the crows nest, huddled up in a blanket, staring at the stars. It was past midnight, but he couldn't sleep. He kept thinking about Nokama. She was gone from Xia now, and that had been the only determined point in their trip. He would never be able to see her again. His love was gone. 

A cold wind passed by, and Matau curled the blanket tighter over his body. The emptiness of the night was all around him, and he felt his worries dulling in it. He was over-worrying. He was too protective. Nokama would be fine. 

Matau leaned over the basket of the crows nest and stared at a rocky chunk of land jutting out of the water. It's shape was as if a stalagmite had grown all the way up from the seafloor and made it's own landform, at least the size of a small mountain. He smiled sadly and slumped down against the spar. 

Back to Metru Nui, he thought, before falling into a deep sleep in the basket.

_It's how I feel whenever you ain't there  
>There's no air, no air<em>

Gone from Metru Nui. Gone from the warming company of the Toa Metru, the suffocating care and concern from dear Matau, the business of the city all around her. Out on another quest. This might be seen as a relief to some – a vacation from a boring, mundane life of politics into an actual adventure. And now, Nokama was beginning to feel that way too. She guessed she was too clingy at first, too unwilling to let go. But now, it was all better. 

She looked back to where Macku had fallen asleep in her chair, and smiled. She looked back to the darkening ocean, and stared at the dark form of a small, pointed landform, which looked like the tip of a massive stalagmite. There it was, alone in an unfamiliar ocean, just sitting there, like an abandoned Kanohi mask. Nokama wondered what it was thinking right now. Had it been separated from its loved ones? Had it ever been broken or sad? 

Now I'm becoming delusional, she thought with a chuckle. Rocks don't think, you silly Toa. 

Her eyelids were growing heavy now, and she turned and walked back into the cabin. She scooped Macku up in her arms and took her into her own room, tucking her neatly under the blankets, before heading back to her bed. Shuttering the lightstone lanterned, she curled up in the quilts and fell fast asleep.


End file.
